“Every act of dishonesty has at least two victims: the one we think of as the victim, and the perpetrator as well. Each little dishonesty makes another little rotten spot somewhere in the perpetrator's psyche.”
-Leslie Conger-
In the past couple of days, I have either encountered situations or been engaged in different conversations that have led me to a place of deep thought on the idea of honesty.While I consider myself a terrible lier and by default a staunch believer in truthful speaking, I have found myself questioning the degree of my participation in the message of truth. I then decided to look up the meaning of the word, honesty. According to Wikipedia (my ultimate favorite e-resource), honesty is a facet of moral character which denotes positive, virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness along with the absence of lying, cheating, or theft. Now, I had never actually looked up the word since I first learned of it as a child. Reading its definition from Wikipedia made me realize the expanse of its territory where moral character and human relations are concerned. It is no wonder then, that those sagacious grey haired missiles of wisdom, who lived way before our time, have been quoted to have said that the shortest story is always the truth, or most famously, honesty is the best policy. While growing up, I measured up these two statements to the fact that I should never ever cheat in my exams( absence of cheat), I should tell mum when I used the remaining shilling to buy candy other than reporting of an apparent hiked price of milk( absence of theft), and that I should not lie to the teacher just so I could escape the abhorred stroke of the cane(absence of lying)...For the most part, I followed this path, thanks to Sunday school, but once in a while my mother was lied to, and the neighbor's fruits went missing; in my tummy-;)
As I traveled in my mind meditating upon this virtue, I ended up deeply engrossed in a debate with myself on one aspect of honesty that I had previously not considered: Honesty to oneself. I have discovered that it is one thing to tell somebody to be honest with themselves, and it is another to actually apply it in my own life. Notwithstanding, I have come to learn in my young life that being honest with myself is the fuel that runs my level of sanity; the key to my personal progress in whatever capacity.Each time when I have skewed away from this fundamental element of straightforwardness and integrity,each time when I have rebelled against the true nature of a circumstance I was caught up in,each time that I have attempted to be somebody that I am not, I have ended up either in regret or having learned a painful lesson. What I know for certain, is that, if I can not be straightforward with myself, if I can not accept the person that I am, If I can not sincerely speak to the person in the mirror about my feelings towards my work, my family, my friends, my life, then I will never know which attributes of my life need pruning and which ones need to be accentuated. How then can I hope to move forward? How can I attempt to know myself, if I do not truly want to know what there is to know about me?
While my train of thoughts led me into thinking that personal dishonesty could be in the form of the depiction of fictitious reputation,it also took me into the conveyor belt of second or third party deception. To spread a string of lies to another person( presence of lying) and to not stand by my own words ( absence of integrity), is dishonesty to my self;in reverse. Leslie Conger, as quoted above, concedes that when I am not honest to my colleagues, friend or a stranger, I am most certainly lying to myself; creating rotten spots in my psyche. It is no wonder then, that whenever I have derailed from the truth or perceived to have done so,I would go through a period of guilt and shame until the situation at hand has been squared out and a coherent understanding established (the rotten spot having been washed away). Now most of us have been lied to once, twice or many times, and we know the feeling when we eventually find out the truth: cheated, betrayed, mistreated, disrespected, you name it. The way you feel when you are lied to, is the same way your inner self feels when you lie to somebody else. I have heard it said many many times in movies, and it real life that, "I lied to protect you".In my opinion, no reasoning in the deceptive facet could protect the eruption of the volcano that would, once the other party discovers that you spoke in deception.This usually is the inception of distrust. Let's think auspiciously for a second, and imagine that the lie was truly told to protect the subject from a lifelong headache or heartache.Then it would only work out if the subject never finds out the truth. However, this is never the case. Somehow, truth finds a micro channel that it uses to seep out of the innermost core of the secret cavern where deception lies. When this happens, it is never a pretty site. Nobody I know has ever said: "How sweet of you to have lied for my protection!" None. When the truth comes out, it is always a hurtful experience and has consequently led to massive destruction of human relationships; be it in marriage,friendships, families, businesses etc. Now, wouldn't it just be simple to speak with honesty when there is still time to heal or resolve the mitigating circumstances?
According to the book of Proverbs in the Bible, of the 7 things that God detests, coming top of the list is "a lying tongue." If this is not a reason good enough to maintain honesty as a vital virtue, then look at it as one of the fundamental and indispensable pillars for the reinforcement of institutions that are based on human relationships. Think about it:If there is no honesty, there would be no trust, and if there is no trust, there is absolutely no relationship. The most agonizing thing that could happen to anyone is to ardently trust and believe in a life that they are leading, only to wake up one day and discover that it is all a facade.Therefore, in doing unto others what I would have then do unto me, I can only strive to inject honesty into my system each waking day of my life. Furthermore, the most demanding life lived should be one that requires the maintenance of a fictitious reputation, a constant scheming of the next cover up plan for the person that you truly are. With that in mind, the sooner I can admit to my imperfections, the better and more rewarding my interaction with myself and others will be.
As my train of thoughts arrives at its terminal, I must admit that I cherish honesty deeply. Therefore, just as charity begins at home, so must my practice of honesty begin with myself. While I would appreciate greatly, that the people I encounter would be truthful and with a high sense of integrity, I would like to see that I too remain the same person that I present myself to be...That I can stand by my words and promises, and that there would be no wine where there should be water... That I can freely express my inner fears and weaknesses without trying to appear too strong for failure... That if I fail in my faith, I can be able to acknowledge the fall and willingly ask God to raise me up again...and that I can exercise my feelings with a straightforward attitude. If I could create a halo of honesty on everyone, I wouldn't hesitate.Unfortunately, being honest is a virtue we must individually choose to actively pursue.So as you disembark from my train this morning,I can only hope that you have taken the shortest route to your next destination via the honesty terminal.
Awesome talent
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